Ivan 'Ironman' Stewart's Super Off Road

System(s):  NES, SNES, Amiga, Master System, Mega Drive, Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum, Arcade
Genre: Racing
Developer: Rare
Publisher: Tradewest
Release Date: April 1990

Note: This Review is of the NES version. Other versions may differ.

Not being that into racing as a sport, I'll be honest - I have no idea who Ivan 'Ironman' Stewart is. Thankfully this was released on systems mostly incapable of rendering all but the most obviously recognisable human faces in-game, so aside from some impressive pixel art in the title screen, Mr. Stewart's endorsement is largely text only.

That being said, Super Off Road is a bit more than a simple racer. On starting you can choose from a limited pool of countries of origin and are given some money to spend on upgrades to your car. Super Off Road sets itself apart by giving you money depending on where you finished each race or what you picked up during it, which can then be spent on nitro canisters, allowing you a quick speed boost when need, though these are expensive. You will most likely come to rely on nitro's to navigate your first race, although if you use one in certain spots you need to be careful not to get stuck - sometimes this happens by sheer accident resulting in a wasted nitro (did I mention they were expensive?). The long term aim of the game isn't so much winning the races as it is winning cash. There are 43 courses after which the game begins to mirror them. Winning the later courses will involve upgrading steering, suspension etc. or otherwise being left behind in the dust, in this case literally.

The key difference besides the upgrade mechanics that makes Super Off Road unique among racers is the sense of perspective. Most racers tend to be a 3rd person behind the vehicle view or side on, whether you are playing Excitebike, Mario Kart or Ridge Racer. Not so here. You play a zoomed out angle where you can see the entire track, not unlike trying to race using the second screen in Super Mario Kart. You might expect this to be extremely clunky and awkward and you would be right, at least to begin with. Thankfully the controls are tight enough that this perspective change is something you quickly get used to. 

One issue I had with the controls is trying to steer around corners, where the sense of perspective makes it trickier to judge just how much you need to lean into the bend. It felt a lot like I was guiding my race car through one of those buzz wire maze puzzles. This highlights the importance of proper upgrades and using nitro as these really make more difference than skill alone. Which brings me to my first major problem with Super Off Road - a large chunk of the mid game is just too easy. Once you upgrade enough you will be routinely lapping the 3rd and 4th placed racers. However, by the end, the other cars will inevitably catch up and steal your crown as they get enough for the same upgrades as you and the placing at this point feels almost random. The difficulty curve (pun intended) is all over the place. My other major gripe is that, being an off-road racing game, although there are a decent number of tracks, you will be staring at the same dusty brown and orange hues all game and this makes the game feel more repetitive than it really is.

The visuals look pretty good and Ivan Stewart looks well rendered in pixel art on the title screen as mentioned earlier. Characters stand on podiums accompanied by attractive women to drive home the fact you are successful whenever you win and the heads-up display looks ok, although the number representing your remaining nitro's isn't immediately made obvious to you. There is very little in the way of music so I hope you enjoy listening to ambient sounds of revving engines - these drown out the actual racing music which is mostly forgettable 8-bit action game music. The sound effects are pretty obnoxious.. Menu music is mostly 12 bar blues and sounds pretty good.

The best thing about Super Off Road is the multiplayer. This is one of only a few games to support up to 4 players on the NES and honestly, single player is just a 43 track grind so the game really badly needs it to keep it fresh. Obviously this means splashing out on an extra peripheral like the Four Score, so keep this in mind.

All in all, Super Off Road's main hook comes from the upgrades you can install using prize money and from power-ups found during races. This will give you an advantage over your rivals until the difficulty curve goes haywire. No amount of funky blues music or visual flair makes up from an ultimately repetitive and clunky single player game that feels repetitive and soulless. The multiplayer is still enjoyable and this will be what keeps the experience fun and memorable for most.

Summary

+ Some catchy menu music
+ Unique car upgrade system
+ Fun multiplayer

- Repetitive single player
- Inconsistent difficulty curve
- 43 tracks is a grind, especially with the same colour palette each time

Overall Score

5/10

The Battle of Olympus

System(s): Nintendo, Game Boy

Genre: Action-Adventure

Developer: Infinity

Publisher: Imagineer/Broderbund

Release Dates:
Japan - 31st March 1988
North America - December 1988
Europe - 26th September 1991






I always wanted to own The Battle of Olympus when I was young. I remember seeing a walkthrough in Total!, a UK games magazine, and loving the fact it was based on Greek mythology. More importantly though, it looked very similar in style to another game I had thoroughly enjoyed, Zelda II: Adventure of Link. Even the colour scheme of the character and the way he moved his weapon seemed to be very similar. Of course, I didn't know it yet from those screen shots, but Olympus actually draws quite a considerable amount of it's mechanics from Zelda II (also the weapon is a club, not a sword - I did NOT see that coming.)

This is nothing new; games have been taking inspiration from their contemporaries forever. The Zelda series has no shortage of games dancing to it's venerated tune - Nuetopia, Oceanhorn, StarTropics. What is surprising though is that Zelda II is often treated like some kind of weird unwanted twin confined to the attic to live on a bucket of fish heads once a week. The classic formula hadn't been defined yet and the second instalment represented such a change in style that it still sticks out more than 30 years later.

What if I told you though, that this is actually a good thing? Yes, as a result of this inspiration Olympus lacks a bit of originality, but this gameplay style is perfectly suited to the overall theme. It just makes sense. You really feel like you are taking part in your own odyssey. Olympus is based somewhat loosely on the tale of Orpheus rescuing Eurydice from Tartarus, the Greek underworld. Unlike that tale though, this version has a happy ending rather than a tragic one. Your goal is to gain the assistance of the Greek pantheon of gods to obtain relics needed to rescue your beloved from Hades who has kidnapped her.

This premise sets up an epic journey during which you will need to speak to locals in each area for clues regarding quests, items and monsters to defeat. You can then gain magical items such as a fire staff from Prometheus or a magical lyre and winged sandals which will assist you during the fights against creatures of Greek legend. Lamia, Cyclops, Hydra - these bosses are what you might expect yet the method of beating them requires a great deal of skill and patience. In fact, the entire game will require patience. Maybe a bit too much in some cases.

There are some pretty frustrating moments in Olympus that will leave you scowling and rubbing your temple repeatedly. No, not a Greek temple. The one on the side of your head. Hit detection is very inconsistent, made all the more difficult by the sometimes unpredictable movements enemies make. Even fairly early on, jumping over pits while dodging bats with terrible hit detection in Argolis will get old quickly. The worst part however, has to be the forest in Peloponnese. Trying to navigate this maze is difficult enough, but I often got caught in an endless cycle of accidentally leaving to a new path while trying to manoeuvre past enemies.


Another issue crops up when you use the sandals by accident when jumping, which will send you up to the ceiling. Use the jump button at the wrong time and you'll likely end up dropping back down by mistake, sending you into a pit to your death. Enemies can take some time to drop items too, which make finding health and olives difficult. What olives, I hear you say? Yes they look like little red gems but apparently they are olives. There are three portions of the game where you are supposed to hand over some of these for items but this becomes an incessant grind. What exacerbates this is the game's obnoxiously long password system.

For all it's faults, however, Olympus is still a decent game. The setting is interesting and the addition of the map is neat. Too often in open world games on 8 bit consoles developers had to resort to giving you a map along with the manual. Olympus has enough distinct locations and is just linear enough that this is thankfully not required. Besides the forest you won't get lost too often. Citizens are much less cryptic and generally more helpful too. Graphically Olympus looks great, very clean, nice backgrounds and while the map screen has little practical use it looks great for a NES game. The music is very catchy too. So much so that the theme from Arcadia creeps into my head whenever I think of the game, even when I haven't played in a while. One odd thing though is that the music playing when you visit each of the gods is Bach's Tocata & Fugue in D Minor which is the old Universal films' Dracula theme. I can only assume the developers were not aware of this, being from Japan, but I was half expecting a vampire to greet me rather than Zeus.

All things considered, I think the biggest weakness of Olympus is also it's biggest strength - the obvious inspiration from Zelda II allows people to view the style of gameplay through a lens not corrupted by notions of what a Zelda game ought to be and take it on its own merits. This also means people will potentially be compelled to write Olympus off as a mere clone when, some wonky hit detection and a couple gameplay moments aside, Olympus has more than enough to recommend it - and if there's a real Greek tragedy here then its that. If you find the Ancient Greek mythological setting interesting and enjoy side scrolling Action RPG gameplay its certainly worth a look.

Summary

+ Some catchy music
+ Engaging Ancient Greek setting with distinctive locations
+ Animates smoothly and looks great, especially the map
+ Challenging but rewarding action and interesting bosses
+ Puzzles are not too cryptic

- So similar to Zelda II it's uncanny
- Gameplay has some control and hit detection issues
- Some grinding sections are needless and boring

Overall Score

7/10

Wild Guns

System(s): Super Nintendo, Wii Virtual Console, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, Windows

Genre: Shoot em' Up

Developer: Natsume
Publisher: Titus Software

Release Dates:
Japan - August 1994
North America - July 1995
Europe - October 1996

Note: This is a review of the original version, not the enhanced remake first released in 2017. But that game is even more badass.

Wild Guns was a manga inspired shooter with sci-fi and western influences that was released late in the life of the Super Nintendo. It was part of the shooting gallery genre, which is fairly niche but one I have always found addictive and enjoyable. The game evokes fond memories for me of coin-op shooters in an era in which the arcade was in its' twilight years. Perhaps most impressively, it was made on a limited budget with a team of only three dedicated people, plus two support staff and yet was churned out in only five months. International releases were perhaps understandably less efficient, considering the translation process for releasing in Europe but impressive for a such a small core team nonetheless.

The plot of Wild Guns centres around Annie, one of the two selectable player characters, whose family has been killed by a rival family called Kid. This is undoubtedly meant to be a not-so-subtle reference to Billy the Kid. Enter space bounty hunter Clint, who agrees to assist Annie in her quest for revenge. Assuming that she is a stereotypically dainty, delicate little flower, Clint sets off to fight the family on his own. Annie protests, pointing out her sharpshooting skills and her burning desire for revenge. Allegedly she only wore a 19th century style dress in this game because it was easier to animate but it adds character and charm. The hand drawn art style and anime feel looks great in 2D. Explosions look nice and guns feel like they really pack a punch. There is something to be said for forgoing the trend of 2.5D that was gaining traction at this time. Bosses and enemies are an outlandish, wacky mix of Western and Sci-fi. It's particularly noteworthy that you can choose either a male or female character, which was rarely a consideration during the pre-Tomb Raider era.

Gameplay is relatively simple, yet challenging. Similar to 'bullet hell' shooters such as Contra, there will be projectiles flying at you from all over the screen and a single hit is all that is required to kill you. Your chosen sharpshooter will move left to right on the foreground, while enemies pop up in the background. You cannot move while shooting, although you are able to stop and do a rolling dodge, giving you invincibility in the process until the animation is completed. You still need to watch your timing though, as you can accidentally dodge one hail of fire only to end your jump right into another with not enough time to move out of the way. Enemies will engage you in melee, which is countered with a simple press of the fire button. Some villains will throw explosives, which can be thrown back at them. You can also jump and use screen destroying bombs, of which up to five can be carried at any one time. If you are having trouble you can also use your lasso to freeze enemies.

That's not all you'll have in your arsenal - aside from valuables that give points, foes will leave behind power ups in the form of guns with limited ammo. Shotguns, grenade launchers, machine guns.....but watch out, as you can end up with the dreaded pea shooter. Literally a toy gun which is useless, so you will have to fire every last round until it is used up, all while dodging enemy fire. You can also utilise the deadly Vulcan gun, which will make you invincible for a short period. It is the most powerful part  of your arsenal and will decimate bosses. But don't make the mistake of thinking all this firepower will make the game a walk in the park. It most certainly will not....however, it is nowhere near the hardest of shooters, and it cannot compare remotely with the difficulty of Contra or its' like. It may be tough, but not enough to make you tear your hair out. One downside which is as much a downside of the genre as a whole is that if you are particularly skilled you could easily beat it in less than 2-3 hours. That's still impressive with such a small budget and development time.

Wild Guns has an interesting take on the Wild West soundtrack, with a pop-style opening theme
mixed with traditional western themes. The Japanese influence in the music is strong, but that is definitely a positive. Having said that, as nice as the music is, I wouldn't say it was anything particularly memorable. Much of the music sets the frantic action up perfectly but is ultimately forgettable. The boss music is perhaps the exception to this, which is the best track in the game.  The ending theme is the only other one that comes close, although it's what you would expect if you have previously beaten any other Japanese developed game - it may put you in mind of Streets of Rage or Resident Evil, although not nearly as good.

Ultimately, if rail/light gun shooters are your thing or if you aren't put off by the length, I would highly recommend Wild Guns to any player. It's fun, provides a decent challenge and the setting and enemies are quirky and varied. It won't last you too long and the music is not up there with the best, but nearly everything else about the game is damn near perfect and most impressively took only five months to make.

Summary

+ Bosses are wacky and great fun to fight
+ Challenging but not insanely difficult
+ Impressively animated
+ Nice variety of attacks and weapons to play with
+ Female protagonist before it was cool

- Only one theme truly stands out from the soundtrack
- Short with minimal replay value

Overall Score

9/10

 

Dragon's Fury

System(s): Mega Drive, TurboGrafx-16

Genre: Pinball

Developer: Technosoft
Publisher: Tengen

Release Dates:
Japan - October 1991
North America - July 1992Media:GamePro US 036.pdf
Europe - September 1992








In the late 1980's, companies worked relentlessly to get around Nintendo's lockout chip on the NES to produce unlicensed titles for the console. The strict licensing system Nintendo used was a means to improve quality standards, which had been a big contributor to video games market crashes in the early 80's. Companies could only release five games for the NES a year, and had to pay a fee for each game, as well as requiring the games to be NES exclusive for two years.

One of the companies that was able to bypass the lockout chip was Tengen. Tengen had once been part of Atari, but split into a new subsidiary responsible for publishing Namco games in the American market until Namco started just doing it themselves. They also tried to negotiate for a less restrictive licence. While other companies continued to release unlicensed games, it's not surprising that Tengen began publishing games for the NES's new rival, the Mega Drive, including the popular RBI Baseball series. One of their better know games was a unique pinball game called Dragon's Fury.

Dragon's Fury was the name given to the console port of Devils Crush. It had a direct port over to the Turbografx-16 under its original name before being ported to the Mega Drive. Honestly it's not hard to see why - the Turbo was not exactly popular compared with Sega and Nintendo consoles, and the original name sounds, well, a bit crap. Pinball games are not something generally full of depth and replay value, but I must admit I got easily addicted to Dragon's Fury. High scores were something losing significance by the time the NES came out in the mid 80's, so to see it on a 16 bit console in 1992 you would be forgiven for being sceptical. Honestly though, it's the only thing besides beating every mini table that keeps the game going, even though it's kind of a central part of pinball. There is a reason pinball games are pretty rare as of the time of writing, and being expected to fork out £45 for pinball game is a bit too much to ask unless you're super into pinball machines and can't afford to buy one for your own home.


Dragon's Fury has to be given credit for being able to hold attention as a pinball game with only a single table. Some competitors such as Pinball Dreams on the SNES had at least three or four. Although the less said about KISS Pinball on the Playstation the better. But such is the overall design of the table, with skeleton warriors and sorceresses that transform into dragons that the table rarely gets boring. The risks and rewards of each section of the table are also well balanced, and you really want to get up to the top for the extra point difference. You don't really feel like you're playing a pinball game at times, and I mean that in a good way. It draws you in and there are enough hazards and monsters to destroy for points that it feels multidimensional. If it did just feel like a pinball machine it would get old very quickly.


Dragon's Fury has multiple bonus stages. These bonus stages are where you will rack up most of the points, so you want t finish these as much as possible. There are dragon eggs to destroy, castle doors to take down and creepy smiling jars with bats flying out. The most lucrative and difficult of all of these though is the stage 10 mini-game. There is an alien cloud that is very difficult to hit, and often the ball will simply bounce off. When you can hit it, very often it's positioned over a pit and you go back to the table with minimal points. The mini-games are very well designed and you will look forward to playing them just for the novelty and freshness but the challenge adds to their value as well.

Graphically the game is well designed and probably the best part of the table is the woman's head, the pretty blonde warrior princess featured on the cover. Repeatedly rack up points against her head and she will slowly transform until she becomes a dragon and you will access a mini-game by entering the dragons maw. Dragon's Fury is spooky yet in spite of the colour scheme you won't have trouble tracking where the ball is. Sadly there is just the one table, and it would have been nice to have a bit more variety in the music on the main table. Speaking of the music, the mini-game music is excellent and among the best in the game. What little music is there doesn't disappoint and the sound effects are competent enough when destroying things.

Ultimately if for whatever reason you're looking for a good pinball video game, this is the one I recommend the most. It's graphically well designed, the mini-games are fun and the music is good. It's just a shame there wasn't more of it. Also the replay value is only maintained by beating your high score - there are no extras to unlock, no hidden mini-games. Dragon's Fury misses out on being a truly great game without these.


Summary

+ Best pinball game out there
+ Creative and creepy stages and table
+ Mini-games are engrossing

- Paying full price for a pinball game is a bit mad
- Minimal replay value
- Only one pinball table

Overall Score

6/10

Cosmic Spacehead

System(s): Mega Drive, NES, Game Gear, MS-DOS, Amiga, Master System

Genre: Adventure/Platformer

Developer: Codemasters
Publisher: Codemasters

Release Dates:
North America - 1993Media:GamePro US 036.pdf
Europe - 1992


Note: Screenshots are taken from the Mega Drive version


Budget gaming is not something likely to rouse too much enthusiasm in the current days of expensive, complex video game development, but up until the end of the 16 bit era, game development was undertaken by much smaller teams at lower cost. This resulted in a large number of interesting budget titles that otherwise flew under the radar and were picked up by unsuspecting consumers in bargain bins. One of these particular games was Cosmic Spacehead's Cosmic Crusade. Cosmic Spacehead was the sequel to Linus Spacehead, a game featured on the Codemasters NES cartridge collection Quattro Adventure that also featured much loved mascot Dizzy, a happy-go-lucky anthropomorphic egg, who was as beloved a character as Sonic or Mario in the computer loving regions of Europe such as the UK, Codemasters country of origin.


Sadly, Linus was not a flagship mascot or a character remembered by many people. While his original adventure featured tough platforming and was confined to the NES on a four-in-one cart, Cosmic Spacehead added point and click gameplay, a rarity on consoles at the time, as well as the offbeat humour that so often accompanied that style of game. In addition, it got a graphical update and a release on the Mega Drive, as well as home computers such as the Amiga. Some later versions also featured a 2 player mode called 'Pie Slap' that involved two spaceships throwing custard pies at each other.

The plot of Cosmic Spacehead follows the first game, but no knowledge of it is required. Linus is back on his home planet of Linoleum after having escaped planet Earth, but nobody believes he has been there or such a planet is anything but a myth. Linus' goal is to find a spaceship and return there with a camera to take photos and prove he was really there. It's a simple concept, and really just serves as a McGuffin to set you off collecting items and avoiding hazardous enemies. The level design is okay, and although there is some expected oddity to the scenery, nothing is too outrageously 'alien' about planet Linoleum. Some inspiration was obviously taken from real civilisations on Earth, as Linus has a cousin Linochev from Linograd, an obvious parody of Soviet Russia, although the scenery in Linograd features upside down pyramids as a reference to the fact you literally dug through a hole from the other side of Planet Linoleum to get there. Cosmic Spacehead  has a less-than-subtle sense of humour, in addition to some of the wackiness.

The gameplay is simple enough, you start in the point and click sections, but moving off screen to a new area will trigger a platforming stage. Naturally, controlling Linus during the point and click stages is a bit stiff with a controller, but it's something you pretty much just have to get used to. Cosmic Spacehead uses a variant of the SCUMM engine, so you have your usual commands such as 'Look at', Pick up', 'Give' and so forth, leaving you to figure out how best to collect and use the items you need to progress. It's not as tricky as many other similar style games, and in fact is comparatively pretty easy until you get to the last stage, which is just a large empty re-fueling station. To be honest, it's a bit of a boring and disappointing final stage lacking in character, considering the rest of the game is so full of it.

The puzzles and game engine also lead to some funny moments, such as choosing the 'Talk to' command when confronted with the 'Big Scary Monster' in the wilderness area, prompting Linus to tell us "He says Rrrrrroooooar." Really Linus? We would never have guessed.....but it gets better. Give him a helium balloon and the monster will float off into space, appearing on the map screen floating above the surface for most of the game. As you can see, some of the puzzles are strange and the solutions obtuse, such as using a bag of sugar to cross a frozen pool. To be fair though, it's not something you wouldn't find in any other point and click adventure game.

The platforming stages are more traditional. You jump from one side of the screen to the other to avoid pits and enemies while collecting chocolate bars. Manage to collect all ten in a stage and Linus will get an extra life. This can be tricky, and often they are placed in areas that are just as likely to cost you a life. Worse still, Linus can't jump very high (his cape obviously isn't very aerodynamic) and can't change direction in mid-air. This makes certain 'leap of faith' jumps utterly terrifying. The enemy design is what you would expect from a generic, run-of-the-mill Amiga or NES platformer, although there are one or two more creative designs, such as the Q-Bert lookalike that explodes in a shower of debris. Overall, the platforming is probably one of the weakest elements in Cosmic Spacehead.

There are a couple of neat surprises in Cosmic Spacehead in the form of the aforementioned 'Pie Slap' multiplayer mode and the in-game section that most likely inspired it. At one point in the game, Linus needs to enter a competition to win a bus ticket to Detroitica, surely a fabulous prize by anyone's standards..... but to do so, he needs to enter a race. This race features four cars competing, but they all control like manure, so it naturally leads to a fun and tense race with cars slipping and sliding everywhere. There is also a wall that periodically drops to form a shortcut, although it is a risky option. I felt this was one of the most enjoyable portions of the game, and the fact it's radically different from the rest of the game helps it stand out.

Graphics are the one area that really sets the 16-bit versions (Amiga, MS-DOS and Mega Drive) apart from the 8 bit versions (NES, Master System and Game Gear). The 8-bit versions have their own style to cope with technical limitations, and early cover art mirrored that style very well. Releases on 16-bit systems, however, dramatically changed the art style, including the box art and title screen, to accommodate the greater capabilities of those systems, but in doing so, I feel like it lost some of the charm the 8-bit version had, although I will say the 8-bit map looks awful. The 16 bit versions look like something from the Cartoon Network, so it has it's own style. The animation and graphics are surprisingly decent for the 8-bit versions and the yawning animation Linus does when the player leaves him idle for too long manages to be both cute and condescending. The graphical limitations also make Linus look more like he's wearing pyjamas than a jumpsuit, which actually adds to this charm. Ultimately it's a matter of preference which version is better as they did a masterful enough job that the 8-bit versions don't feel too different.

The music varies, particularly during some of the point and click areas. Music during these segments can either be headache inducing or catchy as hell. The platforming music seems to be mostly consistent though. Again, the 8-bit versions are surprisingly competent, but I suppose you could expect that when they were the original platforms the game was built for before they were ported to 16 bit systems.

It's unfortunate that Cosmic Spacehead is such a short game with a lacklustre ending stage. I enjoyed a great portion of the game, but the imagination couldn't last once Linus left his home planet. Cosmic Spacehead is a good way to spend a few hours if you enjoy point and click games with a wacky style and humour, but apart from the multiplayer mode it won't hold your interest for too long.


Summary

+ Amusing dialogue
+ Eclectic mix of gameplay
+ Car race and multiplayer are simple, but great fun

- Too short
- Minimal replay value
- Platforming can be frustrating
- Loses steam toward the end

Overall Score

5/10

Rise of the Robots

System(s): Super Nintendo, Mega Drive, Amiga, Amiga 32CD, CD-i, Game Gear, 3DO, PC, Arcade

Genre: Beat em' Up

Developer: Mirage, Data Design Interactive
Publisher: Acclaim Entertainment

Release Dates:
Worldwide - December 1994



Note: This review primarily used the Super Nintendo and Mega Drive versions.

It seems that the video games industry works in cycles. Some generations will place importance on power or graphics, like the infamous 'bit wars' of the 90's. The same could be said of this generation and last, with big budget games like Call of Duty. Often though, technological and visual superiority isn't necessary in order to make a best-selling or well-loved console or even great games. The PlayStation, PlayStation 2 and Wii are all proof of that, as well as numerous successful games that don't push the hardware and focus on fun factor or deep gameplay mechanics, such as Elite, Tetris or Pokémon.

Unfortunately, despite all the evidence that makes this obvious, many gamers, developers and publishers haven't quite gotten this point. The following review is a cautionary tale that I hope will raise awareness of the dangers of focusing on flashy graphics above everything else. That tale begins in 1994, in the run up to the release of a game called Rise of the Robots. I feel like it's my duty as a gamer who has been playing since the late 80's (barely out of nappies at the time), to pass down this story to younger generations unfamiliar with it. Experiencing games like this are almost a painful right of passage, like having your heart broken by someone you love.

Ah 1994. Such exciting times. Sega was no longer keeping up the transparent marketing façade that they did what 'Nintendon't'. The Super NES was beginning to show its' quality with games like Donkey Kong Country. New CD technology and Full Motion Video were being touted as the next biggest thing and there were still multiple console competitors selling a few million consoles rather than just two electronics titans dominating. Arcades were still around, although entering their final years. Something else, arriving that year that made 94' so exciting was a 2D tournament fighter showcasing extremely pretty 3D character models. If you opened a gaming magazine in 94' there was a good chance you got swept up in the hype hurricane created by Rise of the Robots. And a destructive hurricane it was.

The plot of Rise of the Robots is based on a cyborg called 'The Supervisor' contracting a computer virus and going rogue, killing humans. The company who built it have managed to quarantine the threat, but not before The Supervisor infected every other robot in the facility, with only a single exception - your avatar. This robot is unaffected by the virus due the fact it contains fleshy organic material, making it a true cyborg and also making this the most unfulfilling and boring one-on-one fighter ever. This sets up one of the biggest of the many disappointments this rancid dogs' dinner serves up. 

Tournament Fighters are normally considered exciting for primarily two reasons. The first is the eclectic array of assorted misfits and madmen to choose from, allowing for some truly strange and unique character designs that always looked like the designers let their imaginations run amok. The second is the dazzling array of moves you can pull off that are unique to each fighter, including some bone crunching or wince-inducing special attacks. Rise of the Robots has neither of these. You control only one uninspired humanoid cyborg with few distinguishing features - yes, that vanilla, offensively inoffensive 'mascot' on the cover.

The other robots in the game look moderately well designed, as though pulling off moves could be an absolute blast. You think about just how entertaining this game could have been. The plot says hell no. No chance. Not content with basically ripping off the Terminator franchise's concept of machines turning against mankind, the limited nature of the plot demands you control this one character only. Not even an option to unlock the others. It's almost as if gameplay was just an afterthought. In other fighters, playing the game multiple times is expected because doing so with each character gives you a unique ending and sometimes unlocks new fighters. This would be redundant in Rise of the Robots due to the plot, backing the gameplay into a corner. 

As if to tease you, there is a training mode that lets you play as other robots, but since the moves are the same but just look different due to the designs of the robots, it's pointless. It gives you a glimmer of hope and then fails to deliver. You'll notice this is a common theme here. Multiplayer allows you to play as the other robots too.....but only one of the players. Someone has to be the cyborg from single player. There is absolutely no reason why. Maybe they wanted to give the other player the feeling that they were role playing The Supervisor and its merry collective of terribly programmed fighters, but if you wanted that feeling, you would be better off playing a board game like Dragon Strike or Hero Quest. Besides, after five minutes of playing this, would you even admit to a friend you bought this game, let alone invite them over to play multiplayer?

I could have been willing to overlook this so long as there was at least some fun moves to play with or some interesting strategy needed to win. This, however, was wishful thinking on my part. This cutting edge, flashy game with FMV that at one time was getting people drooling over some magazine still images in anticipation boasts exactly two moves. TWO F*CKING MOVES. But wait - there's more! Two moves is really a luxury. It's the game being generous. Really, who needs the bother and hassle of pressing more than one combination of buttons over and over? That's right: the entire strategy for this game revolves around kicking after backing your opponent into a corner. The A.I on occasion has insane reach and damage, and yet still doesn't respond to your attack intelligently, in spite of the 'adaptive A.I' the developers promised.

Rise of the Robots was ported to anything and everything available at the time. It was, after all, 'cutting edge', with FMV cut scenes and 3D polygonal models. Every system should prepare for the inevitable march of progress, right? Well, this game should really have stuck to CD based systems like the PC and Panasonic's 3DO, as they look stunning and animate well and movement is fluid. The full FMV sequences are on a par with many of the PlayStation games that followed. Unfortunately the relentless focus on technology backfired massively, which is quite fitting considering the plot is about technology going bad and becoming the downfall of humanity. When porting to older home consoles like the Super NES, much of the FMV was lost and immense amounts of space on the cartridges taken up by the FMV results in messy, choppy frame rates. The Game Gear version is undoubtedly the worst of the bunch though. The A.I is the complete opposite - relentless and unforgiving. No version seemed to get the balance right.

As for the music, the title theme is the only interesting song, some nice guitar twang followed by an orchestral score. Nothing amazing, but gets the job done. The Mega Drive version though, just sounds like white noise. Besides this, the music is mostly forgettable repetitive techno. Brian May was advertised on the cover, yet due to delays his music was cut from the game apart from a few seconds of guitar from the aforementioned title theme.

As well as the amazing few seconds of Brian May's guitar making this game go from an abomination to worthy of platinum status (hahahahahahahaha no really), reference is also made on the box to the cartridge size, as though consumers were supposed to think "wow, there's a lot to this game.....32 MEGS!? AWESOME." In reality, unlike Capcom putting Resident Evil 2 on the N64 with FMV's intact, which was a significant technological achievement and a great game to boot, it really adds nothing but a sound bite in an era where marketers were obsessed with these kind of technical specs. Even the back of the box is full of meaningless marketing speak. Morphing characters? No, one, not multiple - the end boss. Also, to this day I have no idea what Ray-traced graphics are. It might be a stupid way of saying motion capture. But really who cares? All I know is, it doesn't stop me wanting to flush this turd down the toilet.

Perhaps fittingly, the 3DO as a games console shares many similarities with this game. Aggressively marketed, limited choice, largely seen as some kind of showcase for the future of gaming, using technology too far ahead of time and emphasising raw power and sound quality over, well, everything else. Not to mention being poorly received by both critics and consumers. It's like they were made for each other. Yuck. I hate to imagine the poor sap who bought both, still convinced by the infamous adverts throwing Sega and Nintendo consoles in the bin that the 3DO was an adult console. That whoever was in such a situation might have cried themselves to sleep each night is not beyond the realms of possibility.

To be honest, I intended to do this review a month ago. I just really really really didn't want to have to play this, preferably ever again. Rise of the Robots is like being offered the most mouth watering cheesecake all evening in a restaurant only to see it thrown in the bin and getting bitch slapped hard in the face for daring to ask for a piece while the waiter refuses a refund. It makes Peter Molyneux and his hype of Fable look like a storm in a teacup by comparison, and I think demonstrates my point that the industry is doomed to fail to learn from, and therefore repeat, past mistakes, unless the mark left by this stain on the games industry is always remembered. It gets a one out of ten for existing, and even that is being generous.


Summary

+ Look pretty for 3D graphics in that era

- Forgettable music
- Only one character in a tournament fighter
- Only two moves
- Advertising on the cover blatantly misleads
- A.I is awful and the difficulty lacks any balance as a result
- Frame rates are terrible
- FMV sequences aren't even in full on every version
- Unoriginal plot that wasn't even needed

Overall Score

1/10

Painters Guild

System(s): PC

Genre: Simulation

Developer: Lucas Molina
Publisher: Lucas Molina

Release Date:
1 September, 2015

Steam Greenlight is now a massive source of new indie titles. There are literally thousands being approved and made for Valve's digital distribution platform. Most have, unfortunately, been little more than clones of other popular games such as Minecraft, Day-Z, pixelated retro 2D platformers or RPG's in the style of Ys or Final Fantasy. Once in a blue moon, however, a unique, quirky game like Painters Guild comes along.

Painters Guild is a one man project, a labour of love. Its relatively low retail price reflects that. You play a Renaissance artist, painting for clients, creating masterpieces, doing works for the church and training apprentices through your guild. The game progresses from the beginning of the Renaissance until 1620, during which time painters will make a name for themselves, make money and die, passing the mantle to new generations of painters.

The gameplay is very simple, but addictive. You start with your painter, whom you can customise to your satisfaction - male or female, bearded or un-bearded, with hat or without. If you want, you can even make that character gay. Obviously that is something that will potentially come into play later given the time period it's set in. You then pick one of three Italian cities that will give you different bonuses. Clients then shuffle over to your guild at a steady rate, as you assign your avatar to paint, after which a meter comes up showing his progress. Most of your time will be spent watching those little meters fill up for nearly every task, and managing your tasks effectively. Once the painting is finished, an arrow appears, you click and you get money. You also have to keep an eye on your paint levels, and will need to periodically mix paint to ensure your supplies don't get too low. That's not all - your painters will get tired, and you will need a bed to rest them in from time to time.

Painters Guild has a bit more depth than simply earning money, thankfully. Your job is made more complicated by skill levels of individual artists. By hiring apprentices, you can then teach them (and your original painter) to increase the number that represents their skill level. Your main artist will usually be quite competent, allowing you a fair start, but each apprentice you hire will require a great amount of training. When hiring a new painter you can pick from three apprentices instantaneously in your local district each month if you're low on cash. Early on, this will be your main source of new painters. If you have a little more, you can spend 250 gold and wait 50 days searching a little wider, or spend double the money and time searching to get the best available in the country. When a painter becomes skilled enough, they will become a 'Journeyman' and will go soul searching on a trip, which costs money, but will make them a better painter. Once they come back, they can attempt mastery by painting a masterpiece, giving mostly the same effect except it's much more like painting for clients.

Periodically, historical geniuses like Leonardo Da Vinci will crop up, allowing you to hire them for your guild. Painters have their own personalities and strengths or weaknesses, as well as their own styles they paint in. Clients will request a particular style, so it pays to have multiple painters with differing styles to meet demand and maximise profit. Every once in a while your artist may get into trouble and require financial assistance to get them out of it, as well as being potentially infected by disease or persecuted for homosexuality by the church.

Your guild building can also be customised with furnishings that will have various effects, like a larger bed to fit more painters, a desk to increase skill faster, models, and also décor and even a prettier building that will boost prestige and give you richer clients that pay better. Every once in a while you will get a request to paint a mural for a church building, known as a 'great work.' These are often slightly more lucrative, but result in your painter being absent for a few days. You can assign multiple painters to some of the bigger great works, although some sections of the building will require a particular style of mural.

Although before playing Painters Guild I felt like the pixelated art style had been done to death on Steam, I must admit it grew on me in this game thanks to some elements of the presentation. The setting largely helped me get over my initial scepticism, and a great deal of love and care obviously went into making the historical setting believable. The music is charming and very strongly sticks to the renaissance style. It's just a shame that there aren't more locations to see. The only real way to see any different scenery is to start a new game in a new city.

Some other noticeable strokes of genius include the pixelated versions of classical paintings, like Da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa' or Michelangelo's 'The Creation of Adam' and the way great works reflect the reality that the most lucrative contracts made by artists at the time were commissioned by the church. I did feel like there could have been a bigger reward for this though, as it only made slightly more in-game than individual paintings, especially given great works only crop up every few months and sometimes require multiple painters, leaving you with a virtually empty guild.

Overall though, Painters Guild has plenty to keep you busy. Its a very addictive style of gameplay, and will probably keep you entertained for some time while you juggle various tasks. Unfortunately, it isn't particularly deep beyond continuing the cycle of making money, expanding the guild's size and prestige and hiring new painters. In that sense the game isn't really that unique in its approach, as the game ultimately doesn't lead anywhere, something many games with this style of gameplay also have a problem with.


Summary

+ Unique setting that is faithful to the time period
+ Plenty of customisation
+ Great music, art style and presentation
+ Rare good use of pixelated graphics on Steam

- Gameplay, while addictive, does get repetitive quickly
- Very little variety of locations
- Great works could have been reflected better with more prestige and money

Overall Score

6/10

 

Oniken

System(s): PC

Genre: Action/Platformer

Developer: JoyMasher
Publisher: JoyMasher

Release Date:
5 February, 2014

In case you have been living under a rock for the past few years, I just wanted to let you know that retro is in. In a big way. Something about the 1980's just refuses to die. I wouldn't know where to even start with how much of the 80's is still being regurgitated for consumption by a willing audience. Fashion, music, nightclubs - Doc Brown did get one thing right about the future in Back to the Future Part 2 - there are plenty of 80's nostalgia places, but not done right. It seems that for all the appropriation of 80's culture, and the short amount of time since the 80's was actually the present, authenticity is still lacking. Steam, for example, is full of pixelated games that are all style, no substance, merely copying the primitive visuals of classic games. It seems easier just to go back and plug in a classic 8-bit system instead - assuming you have a scart cable around somewhere.

Fortunately, if you are still looking for authentic 80's action gameplay but have exhausted all possibilities on your original systems, Oniken is here to save the day, thanks to Brazilian indie developer JoyMasher. It seems odd to call a small team making an 80's platformer 'indie' when most developers during the 8 and 16-bit era were usually in groups of ten or less anyway. But I digress.

Oniken bares more than a passing resemblance to games such as Ninja Gaiden, Kickmaster and Shadow of the Ninja. That's no coincidence, and its inspirations are clear. A martial arts using, sword wielding badass mercenary with a murdered father and a mission to save the world from darkness. It's pretty much standard 80's action fare. Fans of 80's action and martial arts films, as well as 90's anime will find a lot to like here. The atmosphere is dark and dystopian, the hero single-minded in his determination and the gore is plentiful. One scene sees our hero punch a villain's face so hard his head explodes. The bosses are a wonderful array of biomechanical weirdness, and some fights genuinely feel like an epic one-on-one duel rather than some bloke with a sword versus an unstoppable killing machine. Actually, the storyline does its best to make it seem the other way around. It makes the protagonist feel like another John Rambo or Snake Plisskin (although I heard he was dead), triumphing against seemingly impossible odds and yet barely breaking a sweat.

Most stages are split into sections, completing one then starts you at the next one with full health. Die three times though, and it's game over. Combat mostly involves jumping on platforms and slashing enemies with your sword. Inside containers you will sometimes find a sword upgrade, increasing its strength and reach. The downside is that it has a power bar with a maximum three units. Get hit three times and it's gone. You can also use the power up by initiating Berserk mode, which makes you temporarily invulnerable with a red glow and makes your sword even more powerful. This will quickly drain the power bar of your sword until depleted, so it's best to use it only when you're in a really tight spot, and you will usually want to save this for bosses. In addition to the sword upgrade you can also find grenades. They can be tough to aim at times, perhaps due to the desire to emulate classic gaming a bit too faithfully, but their vastly superior firepower makes them useful against bigger foes. Their throwing arc can take out enemies your sword can't reach.  The controls are fairly sharp playing on a controller, although I wouldn't recommend playing on a keyboard (although let's be honest, it was never meant to be played with a keyboard anyway).

This is no game for pushovers. For those convinced that modern gaming is just too easy and holds your hand too much, Oniken is a godsend. Thankfully, challenging in this case does not mean cheap. Your deaths are always self-inflicted, and there is none of the 'bullet hell' found in games such as Contra. Its all about learning enemy patterns and figuring out the best strategy to proceed. This means that the difficulty isn't even close to games of such legendary frustration as Ghosts n' Goblins or Battletoads. The fact it was designed with modern hardware and without the tricky limitations gives it a distinct advantage over 30 year old games too. No sprite flicker, no bugs or glitches and few re-spawning enemies. Realistically though, Oniken is not going to be for everyone. There is a good chance that those unused to this retro style will probably hate it. It was very much designed for those seeking a nostalgia trip.

If you do manage to beat the game, Oniken also features Steam achievements (including ones for
finishing each level without dying once), high scores, a hardcore mode with only one life and there are also secrets to be found in each level and a hidden stage to unlock. To be honest, though, unless you plan on tackling hardcore mode the game will probably last you only 2-3 hours if you are an 8-bit veteran. In that regard, perhaps it's a little too faithful to the classics. That being said, someone less familiar with this style of gameplay might spend double that time trying to get through it so it really depends on your skill level.

The action, while tough, can also be exhilarating; Oniken definitely deserves praise for its level design. Beating a level gives a tremendous feeling of accomplishment. One level involves jumping obstacles on a bike and picking up grenades to throw at a polar bear chasing you through frozen wastes, only for it to turn into a cyborg after taking enough damage. Another sees you dodging a death star-style super weapon in between taking out enemies. Oniken is full of these kind of neat ideas that complement the gameplay as well as giving it a wow factor.

Oniken is, by 8-bit standards, a good looking game. It manages to retain that classic pixelated style without overdoing it and staying clean enough that you can always tell what's going on. Some of the environments could probably use a bit more detail and variety though. The cut scenes are entertaining enough to make them more than just something annoying to skip over, and this is where the quality of the graphics is at its best. The soundtrack fits nicely with the action. Most of the tunes are catchy and the boss music creates plenty of tension. It's not quite the level of, say, Ducktales, Journey to Silius or Mega Man 2, but that's more down to the overall style of the game and the music definitely plays a key part in the overall stellar presentation.

Oniken is probably the closest that anyone besides Capcom has gotten to recreating an 8-bit game faithfully on modern hardware. It has the benefit of better hardware than the games it takes inspiration from, resulting in few glitches compared to the sprite limits and frame rate drops on the NES and Master System. However, even disregarding that fact, the level design makes it comparable to some of the very best available on those systems. While the difficulty will put some people off, it isn't up with the toughest games, and I can definitely recommend it to anyone interested in retro platforming gameplay.


Summary

+ Fantastic level design
+ Faithful homage to 8-bit classics
+ Controls fluidly
+ Presentation is excellent, especially the cut scenes
+ Good value for money

- Not as difficult as some might suggest
- Short, lasts only around 3 hours
- Some indoor environments look a bit too similar and bland

Overall Score

8/10

Complete Onside Soccer

System(s): PlayStation, PC

Genre: Simulation

Developer: Elite
Publisher: Telstar Electronic Studios

Release Date:
Europe -  June 1996
Japan -  January 1998



It's hard to believe in the current days of yearly FIFA and Football Manager releases dominating the football game market, but during the 16-bit era there were many rival football franchises. Most never made it beyond one or two games and few strove for anything approaching realism. Arcade-style fun and the ability to pick up and play was the order of the day. Aside from Kevin Keegan's Player Manager on the Super Nintendo and Premier Manager on the Mega Drive, football management sims were mainly for PC only. However, by 1996, the popularity of the PlayStation combined with 3D graphics changed this, and soon management sims started to appear on consoles.

Complete Onside Soccer was the first of these efforts. Even compared to the by then seriously outdated Kevin Keegan-endorsed SNES game and Premier Manager, this was never, "the most realistic management simulator ever", as the sound bite on the front cover says. It's hardly a fair comparison to make, those previous console games still had the old league structure before the English Premiership had formed and were relegated (if you'll excuse the pun) to text only affairs. But this new game boasted up to date squads and 3D graphics! And it was on the Worlds Most Popular Console™ so it had to be a winner, right?

Wrong. Onside tries to woo us with the promise of flashy, cutting edge 3D graphics, but ends up being a blocky, ugly mess, like so many early 3D titles. To be fair, you can't really blame the developers for that one. The controls on the match engine are the equivalent of Sunday League 'hoofball.' It really isn't worth your time and effort. Mercifully, you can skip this stuff if you choose a management career right from kick off.

This is what the majority of the game is built around, and there are numerous options, like a 'Finance' screen to manage ticket prices, a 'Physio' screen to check up on injuries and fitness etc. Then there are Tactics, Transfers, Training and Matches. It seems like a fairly comprehensive list of options at first glance, backed up by some interesting, almost cartoonish static backgrounds. The best thing I can say about Onside is the ability to create a custom league from Italian, English, French and German top division teams from 1996-7.

The most unfortunate thing about Onside is it's difficulty. It's punishingly difficult, and in most games unless you pick the best side in the league you'll rarely last a season or two before getting sacked. Particularly if you forgo the match engine in favour of skipping to the results, as you fear the ugliness of the graphics engine might actually one day make you blind. It reminds me of Sensible Soccer in the way groups of opposition players just swarm towards you, except the controls are much less refined. From the speed the players move at, to the way passes only work in a rectangle or otherwise miss their intended target, none of it feels like it should. Had it been more enjoyable in this respect, there would have been a reason to keep playing, but you'll likely get fed up of it quickly.

What makes this game seem so frustrating is threefold. Firstly, the transfer market is broken. I mean fundamentally does not behave like a transfer market should. I have witnessed this to lesser degrees in other management simulations (*cough* Premier Manager 64 *cough*), but the majority of players available at the beginning are all Goalkeepers, and are the worst available in that league. Occasionally you will find better players crop up later on in the season, but by then poor performances mean gate receipts are down and even if you have the cash to spare, it will do little to arrest the slide anyway. 

It wouldn't be so annoying if the transfer market actually allowed you to sign foreign players, but it takes several weeks before they even appear. Anyone playing as Derby County, for example, dreaming of getting to the point of signing players like Bergkamp, Cantona or Del Piero are better off playing a fantasy football game of the kind you used to get advertised in the back of magazines. There is little feeling of actually making solid improvement to your team.

Teams are massively shortened from their real life counterparts, with only 16 players allowed, which leads to some arbitrary exclusions. They couldn't even fit both Phil and Gary Neville into the Manchester United team because they only include surnames, not even the first initial is used. I'm still wondering to this day just who the mystery Neville in the starting line up is.

An odd thing I noticed is that Goalkeepers in general have a very low rating, always under 70, more often just under 60. This means that England's first choice goalkeeper David Seaman is considered less valuable to Arsenal than Ian Selly. Meanwhile the best strikers in the game barely make it over 80. It's a weird system that makes little sense. Not that the evaluation of outfield players is accurate either - I'd be hard pressed to say that John Scales, Mark Wright and Phil Babb are better overall than Jamie Redknapp Jason McAteer and Steve McManaman, but Onside seems to disagree.

The second thing making Onside so tough is the fact your players abilities deteriorate over time. You can deal with this by training them. The problem with this is that rather than something vaguely resembling football training, like passing drills or running around a track, this involves the aforementioned hideous match engine, in a tedious, boring 5-a-side game. Having to do this after every game will make you want to go outside and have a kick about instead, with jumpers for goalposts. At least it can be said this particular video game won't stop getting kids exercise.....

Lastly with regards to difficulty, the 'skip to final score' option just appears to be totally random and unrealistic. I've seen score lines of 0-8 after winning 4-1 the previous game. This uncertainty and high element of chance leaves you with no idea of how to gauge your teams progress and how your team selection, tactics or transfers impact on games. Player positions are basic, so there are no sweepers or fullbacks or wingers. It's purely Midfield, Defence etc. and the formations appear to be nothing but numbers on a screen you can change at the press of a button, at least as far as simulating the match goes.

The music is forgettable, so much so I'm surprised they even bothered having music at all. It's pretty difficult to notice it anyway with the obnoxious referee's whistle that chimes every time you click a button, even at the company logos at startup. Mimicking that feeling of getting sick of hearing the ref blow his whistle is about as realistic as Onside gets.

Although this game came out in 1996, it's very easy to compare it to other games of the genre on the  PS1, such as LMA Manager. Despite being released a couple of years later and only featuring English teams, LMA somehow feels a whole console generation more advanced due to it's graphical presentation and huge number of players. There are so many more features it would take half of this review to list them all, but Onside has none of those.

Peter Schmeichel famously vomited on the pitch after witnessing the tragic and painful career ending injury suffered by Dave Busst. It would be tempting to suggest appearing on the cover of Complete Onside Soccer might be the second lowest moment of his professional career, after the Busst incident. If he ever played this game then a similar reaction is certainly not unlikely. It says a lot about the lack of advanced features when the original Football Manager on the ZX Spectrum, a game written in BASIC and released in 1982, is more advanced a simulation than this. Playing Onside non stop is quite possibly the perfect ironic punishment for greedy overpaid footballers and agents when they suffer for an eternity in the fourth circle of hell.

Summary

+ Can play or manage in one of four top European leagues and customise your own

- Horrible sound effects and forgettable music
- Transfer market feels very limited
- Match engine is ugly to look at and boring to play
- Fails to do anything new and gameplay is very basic
- Far too challenging unless you are a glory hunter and always pick the best
- Skipping matches seems to almost always result in defeat and unrealistic scorelines
- No Spanish leagues

Overall Score

1/10